And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
