did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
