I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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