this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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