a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
