the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
