It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
