omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
