no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Drunk is not a location!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
