I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
