You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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