After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
