wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
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I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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