So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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