On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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