Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
