i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
