I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
