just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize