The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
