you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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