My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
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He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
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Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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