i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
