apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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