Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
