u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
