Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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