Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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