The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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