I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
