Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
