I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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