soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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