We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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