Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
