It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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