The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
