After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
