Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How does one acquire holy water?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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