"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
