he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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