also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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