You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
