Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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