Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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