A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
