I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
