Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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