Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
