u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Im part way to drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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