We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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