so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
