There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
