I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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