Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
