Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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