Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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