i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She's the barista slut.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
